So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize