those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize