We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
