i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
