I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
