part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
