she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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