Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
