I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
