idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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