i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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