I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
