shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize