i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
