Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
