Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im part way to drunk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
