Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
