all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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