remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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