Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it was like eating out sand paper
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
