one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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