so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
