Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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