Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
