People in love make me want to vomit
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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