I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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