I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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