I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
