we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
