i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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