my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize