just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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