Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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