I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
