Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
