I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
