so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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