i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
