i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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