So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She announced her abortion via fbk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize