Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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