stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dignity is for republicans.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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