Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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