when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
