I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize