I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
