so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
