So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize