R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
