he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
