We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
