Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He has the fingertips of a God
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