Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
