I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
