i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
