We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
