so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
