I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
