No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
