There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
