i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
