He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
