mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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