You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drake has all the answers
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
