I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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