I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
