he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
